Wings of Black
by YouMayKnowMeAsAngel
Summary: Remus Lupin doesn't know a lot about guardian angels, but he's pretty sure they don't all wear ACDC shirts and eat your leftovers at 4:30 in the morning. Sirius doesn't know a lot about humans, but he's pretty sure they don't all wear hideous sweater vests and act like huge fucking nerds 24/7. They're both pretty sure that someone Up There is having a pretty good laugh.
1. Magically Manly Things

**A/N: Hi there! I'm starting a new project!**

 **PLEASE READ!**

 **I know I have portrayed Sirius as a bit of a slut here, and before you start screaming at me for butchering his character-since the fandom likes to portray him as a sex maniac-please note that I have reasons for him sleeping around, ok? Just trust me. Just this once.**

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Being an angel has it's perks. You live forever, you don't age physically, and you can pretty much do whatever the hell you want. Of course, there are some basic guidelines. You can't kill, you can't have sex with someone who's married—although there are ways around that last one—and you can't reveal your existence to mortals. All in all, it's a pretty good deal. Sirius has never had any complaints.

But while there are the written rules, there are also the "expectations". Angels are supposed to have a certain heavenly aura about them, the whole hands-above-the-covers ideal. Angels are pure, wise, and supposedly above all mortal vices. Sirius is made up of nothing _but_ mortal vices. He drinks, he swears, he does weird shit, and he has sex. He has a _lot_ of sex. He's had sex with mortals, centaurs, pixies, succubi, vampires, merpeople, the whole spectrum. You name it, Sirius has probably fucked it. It's one of the many reasons why the entire guardian angel department looks down on him.

Sirius isn't really good at keeping his sex life private. He's more of a "flaunt it" person than a "we must hide the evil within" person. This is, of course, a constant source of exasperation for his fellow guardians. They're all about _seriousness_ and _maturity_ and other boring things that have no rightful place in a sane person's life. As far as Sirius is concerned, any immortal being with the body of a 20 year old who is not having gratuitous amounts of sex is either extremely depressing—*cough* James *cough*—or kidding themselves. Sex is great. Why make a big fuss over it?

"Because you parade around like you're some sort of bloody sex god," James scolds him over the phone. "People don't like it when you tell battle stories of Sirius and his Magic Cock."

" _People_ don't have to listen to my battle stories. Don't pretend like I don't know who you're talking about," Sirius snaps right back. It's an age-old debate, but it's never reached a satisfying conclusion. "Those _people_ are acting like it's the 18th century."

"Some of them lived through the 18th century, Pads. You gotta understand where they're coming from."

Sirius ignores James for a moment and glances down at the lovely city below him, flapping his great wings a bit to gain speed. It's a good thing that Sirius has remembered to remain invisible to mortal eyes. Last time he visited London, he scared the living shit out of some poor businessman who'd ended up in the hospital because his coworkers thought he was having some sort of a nervous breakdown. (Which truly wasn't _that_ unbelievable. Any man who wears a suit to work everyday is automatically labeled "clinically insane" in Sirius' book.) He swoops down and perches himself in a tree that's overlooking a small park.

"You know," Sirius says into his earpiece, "getting a promotion for a big-shot top guardian position doesn't require you losing your sense of humor."

James' gasp is very audible. "Me? Losing my sense of humor? I'll have you know I spent a good two hours yesterday convincing Nicholas that in order to properly open a can of whoop ass, one has to spread their—"

"Yes yes, whatever you say," Sirius sighs into the line. He inspects his cuticles, looking all angelic and cool.

James' tone goes dark. "How dare you. How dare _you_ question _my_ sense of humor."

"And how dare _you_ call _me_ when I'm pre-coital."

"Pre-coital? What do you mean pre-coital? My tracker says you're in a tree in London!"

"Firstly, stop tracking me, I'm not your charge. It's creepy. Secondly, I'm _always_ pre-coital."

James snorts. "Right. Of course." A big intake of breath. He's steeling himself. "Look, are you coming to the meeting or not? Mad-Eye's getting pretty pissed."

Sirius frowns. Mad-Eye? Why's _he_ at the meeting? He's a warrior, not a guardian.

"What'd I ever do to Mad-Eye?" Sirius asks.

"I dunno, farted near him or something. Point is you need to get your pre-coital arse over here before that vein in his forehead pops."

Sirius smiles. "Sounds promising. Snap a photo for me."

" _Padfoot_."

" _Prongs._ "

"You know what, fine then. If you don't want a new charge, I guess we'll have to give yours to someone who's less smartass-ey."

Sirius twitches so hard he almost falls out of his tree, which would have been very un-angelic and cool. "New charge?! Wait, you didn't say anything about a new charge! They're really giving one to me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't know, it's not like I made the decision. Trust me, I was just as surprised as you when I saw your name on the roster."

Sirius huffs. "Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Jamsey."

"Oh come on, why shouldn't I be surprised? After the whole mess with Regulus…"

Sirius rolls his eyes skyward. _Here we go again…_

James, the bloody idiot, blunders on. "What I mean to say is that no one really expected—well, you know…"

 _Know what?_ Sirius wants to ask. _What do I know?_

He knows that his last charge, Regulus, had been fucked over so badly that it threw Sirius in a Dark Mood for a good year. He knows that after what happened, the chances of him getting another charge were slimmer than James dating a girl for longer than a month. He knows that the entire guardian department views him with a mixture of disgust and pity. He knows all of this, so why doesn't James fucking _say it?!_

Sirius makes it a point not to speak until James does, which predictably only takes a couple of seconds.

"You, uh, coming to the meeting?"

"Yeah. Probably."

"Right then. Good."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

God Sirius hates this. He decides it's time for a change-up. "Just answer me one question," he begins.

"What?" James asks warily.

"Is… _she_ there?"

James, beautiful man that he is, recognizes the subject change for what it is and goes along with it. "Of course she's here. She wouldn't miss an audience with you for the world."

Sirius smiles up at the sky. "Ah, my dear love. Tell me, is she excited?"

"Practically pissing herself."

"Of course. Oh McGoogles, how did I ever survive without her in my life?"

"Not a clue, mate."

"I'm telling you Prongs, that woman's _it_ for me. Her terrifying threats, the way she screams at me, her _spectacles._ " Sirius growls for effect.

"Alright, don't hurt yourself there."

Sirius smirks and nestles himself into a more comfortable perching position. "Why James! Is that a hint of jealousy I hear in your voice?"

"Please. I left your sorry arse for Dumby long ago."

"Ah yes. Good ol' Dumbles. Do you braid his beard?"

"Sirius! A proper lady never kisses and tells."

"I do."

"Yeah, you ain't a proper lady."

"Oi! I could be proper if I wanted to." Sirius is about to add more when a little group of boys run up to his tree. He double checks his invisibility, making sure it's still intact. The kids take no notice of him. They're too busy teasing the little girl that followed him.

"Come on, give her back!" The girl yelps.

The boys snicker amongst themselves. One of them holds a pink doll aloft by the foot. Sirius watches with interest, ignoring James and his babble. He recognizes this game as one he used to play with his friends when they were fledglings. He watches as the leader of the boy pack steps forward with a smug little smirk. There's something very James-ey in the way he holds himself.

"Why should we give it back? You can't possibly want _this_ dumb old thing," the boy taunts loudly.

Another boy, the one who's holding the doll, moves next to his leader. "Yeah," he says, "it's too stupid for anyone interesting to play with."

Ah, yes. That one would be the Sirius of the group.

The girl sniffs. Sirius can see she's making a valiant effort not to cry, but her bottom lip quivers. "Please, just give her back!"

 _"_ _Give her back!"_ Little James mocks in a falsetto. The other boys laugh.

Sirius frowns. He hopes he wasn't that obnoxious when he was a fledgling. (He probably was, if not worse.)

Meanwhile, the girl has had enough of this, Sirius can see it in the set of her tiny shoulders and the furrow of her eyebrows. He, who has seen this look on many a girl's face, knows what's going to happen next. Out comes the fist, and _bop_ goes Little James' nose.

He lets out a loud yelp and falls back on his behind. The other boys crowd around him while Sirius laughs out loud. He takes a good look at the little girl. She has choppy brown hair that she probably cut herself with a pair of safety scissors, and she's wearing a faded yellow dress with a strange purple stain on the front. She looks immensely pleased with herself.

Little Sirius, once he has made sure that Little James has indeed been punched in the face by a girl, turns around and gives said girl a horrible glare. He throws the doll at her feet. "Here," he sneers, "we don't want your stupid girl's toy anyway."

The boys hurry away, Little James howling in over-exaggerated pain. The girl crouches down and picks up her doll. Now that the boys are gone she's allowed to look upset. Her doll's head is cracked from where it made impact with the ground. She frowns at the crack, her eyes tearing up and her lower lip trembling dangerously.

Sirius' heart just about breaks. He acts without thinking, and snaps his fingers.

"Nymphadora!" The girls' mother calls out on cue. "Nymphadora Tonks, where are you?"

The girl rubs her runny nose on her dress and looks around. In the split second that she looks away from her doll, Sirius fixes the crack with a wave of his hand. _Nymphadora Tonks?_ He thinks to himself, marveling at the name's strangeness. _What on earth were her parents thinking?_

When Nymphadora looks back at her doll she immediately notices the absence of the crack. She frowns at first, turning the doll over and over. Finally her face breaks out into a grin. She hugs the doll close to her chest, then gets up and takes off running towards her mother. "Momma! You won't believe what just happened!"

Sirius watches her go with a sigh. _Sirius, you old sap. You're growing soft._

"Sirius? Sirius, are you even listening to me? I'm not used to being ignored, you bastard."

Right. He was talking to James.

"Sirius?! I can hear you breathing!"

"Yes yes, I'm here, never fear," Sirius drawls.

"What did you just do? My tracker says you've used magic. Did you steal candy from a baby again?"

Sirius rolls his eyes. "One time four years ago and I haven't heard the end of it since."

"It was a baby, Sirius. It was a baby and you're a guardian."

"It wasn't even eating it! It was just whacking it on the—you know what, never mind. What were you talking about?"

"What did you use magic for?"

"Manly things," Sirius says shiftily.

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"I don't need to explain myself to you, Mr. I-Wouldn't-Know-Manly-If-It-Bit-Me-On-The-Nipple."

"I'm _very_ manly! I'm the manliest of all the—oh _hello_ Madam McGonagall!"

Sirius hears a muffled voice on the other line and listens with glee.

"Um, no ma'am, I was just…uh…taking a survey."

" _Taking a survey?!_ " Sirius hisses into the phone, fighting the urge to let out a cackle.

"Shut up! Oh, not you ma'am! I was talking to the survey!"

Sirius is beside himself. This is wonderful. There's muffled shuffling and protest and all of a sudden there's a very sharp voice in his ear.

"Mr. Black, would you be so kind in telling me where, exactly, you are at the moment?" McGonagall demands in that special tone of hers, the one that scares small children.

Sirius smiles, leaning back against his tree. "Ah Minverva, how I've longed to hear that sultry voice of yours. How's your day going?"

"Considerably terrible. I hope Mr. Potter has informed you that your presence is required at the upcoming meeting."

"He has. Good boy, he is. But let's not talk about him. Let's talk about _us_."

McGonagall lets out a noise that sounds suspiciously like a growl. "Gladly, Mr. Black. If you should fail to show up at this meeting, your consideration for a future guardian position will be in serious jeopardy."

Sirius swallows.

"Now, if you wish to avoid spending the rest of your angelic career with a mop in one hand and a bucket in the other, I advise you to fly here _immediately._ "

Her voice is like ice. Sirius shivers.

However, he will not go down without a fight. He builds up his resolve as he drops to the ground beneath the tree, and stretches out his wings. "Why Madam, you needn't sound so _eager_ to see me. I might just faint."

"I trust that you won't. And, Mr. Black?"

Something in her voice has changed enough to catch Sirius' attention. "Yes, my dear?"

Silence. McGonagall almost never pauses in a conversation. Sirius listens intently. She lets out a little humph before saying, "This could be a second chance for you. Keep that in mind."

Sirius doesn't know what to say to that, so he doesn't say anything. He listens to McGonagall hang up and then stares off into space for a moment. Of course the department would see this as a second chance, a redeeming test. He's sort of angry about it. Sirius doesn't like being controlled and watched like this, which is stupid because a large part of his job involves obeying orders. Or rather, a large part of his _old_ job involved obeying orders. He's not much of a guardian anymore.

But this meeting will change that. If he's there on time. He spreads his wings, gets a good running start, and takes off into the sky.

Sirius' wings are black and he loves them. They're a bit smaller than average since they're built for speed rather than strength. The larger feathers shine like oil in the sunlight, and the smaller, softer feathers underneath shift into colors of dark gray. They're very uncommon, which means they're cool. They're also a bad omen. It's an old and stupid superstition among angels. _Wings of white will bring delight, wings of blue are always true, but wings of black will bring despair, for those are wings that monsters bear._ Sirius had listened to that dumb poem throughout his childhood, when he decided to turn it into a battle cry. He thought having monster wings were awesome back then, and never took the saying seriously. After what happened with Regulus though, he wonders if the poem holds a bit of truth to it. Perhaps he's destined for disaster.

He narrows his eyes and beats his wings to gain more altitude and speed. Him? A disaster? As if. He's destined for greatness, if anything. He's Sirius fucking Black. He's amazing.

Sirius sneers and bites the inside of his cheek until it bleeds, because there's only so much that a person can lie to themselves.

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 **A/N: Welp. That was short. I'll post the next chapter really soon.**

 **So. If you are new to me and my writing, hello. I am a dork. I don't update regularly. You will hate me in the future for many reasons.**


	2. Hogwarts

A/N: So, remember how I said I would update soon? Well, did you know that "soon" can also mean a year? Like, a full year. Yeah. Fun stuff.

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When he was small, Remus and his grandmother used to play a little game. They would listen to some of her old records and sing along to the songs. The first one to fumble over the words forfeited the round. Because of this, Remus gained an impressive knowledge of old songs and singers, and he learned how to properly use a phonograph at age 6.

When Remus turned 7, he learned a new game. This game was called, _How to Avoid Hospital Visits_. To play, you would hide in closets, hampers, attics, and trees in order to get out of going to the hospital. You lost if Mum found you because she made sure you attended your appointment. Remus never won this game.

Remus wasn't exactly sure why he went to the hospital so often. He was told he was a very sick and weak boy. He was allergic to nearly everything, and he had to _be careful_ or he might hurt himself. They were always trying to get him to eat more and take calcium tablets and naps. Remus loathed naps. He never felt tired, so why should he rest?

Gran didn't treat him like a weakling. Instead of worrying or fretting, she would smile, give him a biscuit, and let him run around her huge yard. Remus loved going over to Grandma's house. He didn't have to _be careful_ there.

When Remus was 8, he overheard an argument that his mother was having with Gran. He was hiding behind the sofa, listening with wide eyes as they spoke in hushed tones.

"You keep letting him run around like this, and it's not safe."

"He's a little boy," Gran said patiently. "He should be allowed to run around and have fun."

"Yes, he should, but he _can't_ ," Mum snapped. "It's for his own good."

"I just don't understand. All these…these hospital appointments and checkups? They've found no diseases or disabilities-"

"He's small and weak."

"But-"

"He's small and weak and sick almost all the time-"

"But he's happy when he's allowed to play! He has no friends because you keep him cooped up in that house all day long!"

"You think I like doing that?! I _want_ Remus to be able to run around and have fun, but you and I both know he isn't capable of doing that!"

"Isn't capable—can't you get him a dog to play with?"

"He's allergic."

When he was 11, Remus' grandmother died. The funeral was long and boring and Mum wouldn't stop crying the entire time. Remus had already done his fair share of crying, so he didn't think more tears were necessary. That was also the year his mother sent him off to Hogwarts School of Excellence.

School was the best time of Remus' life, and he's pretty sure he's the only boarding school student to have ever thought that. It all started when his mother received a letter from a man named Albus Dumbledore, who wanted to have an interview with her in order to discuss Remus attending his school. Remus' mother had only allowed it because Hogwarts, no matter how strange the name, was a very prestigious school.

When Mr. Dumbledore arrived at the Lupin's house, Remus had been sent to answer the door. His mother had him dressed in a very uncomfortable white collared shirt and an itchy sweater vest because this guest had to be impressed for some reason. In contrast, Dumbledore was wearing a bright blue suit and a sparkly purple scarf. Remus hadn't been able to keep his eyes off the outfit from the moment he answered the door.

Mr. Dumbledore gave him a cheerful grin, the lines surrounding his eyes crinkling up. "Hello there. You must be Remus Lupin?"

Remus blinked up at him.

"Unless I'm mistaken and you are, in fact, _Mrs._ Lupin."

Remus blinked again.

Mr. Dumbledore kept smiling, his hands clasped behind his back. He looked perfectly at ease with Remus' startled silence. He owned a truly magnificent beard. It was long, white, and had a strange silver band wrapped around its base. _Gandalf,_ Remus thought helplessly. _Gandalf's standing on my doorstep._

The rest of the afternoon was a bit of a blur. Mr. Dumbledore had looked rather out of place sitting in the Lupins' living room, though he seemed comfortable. He informed Mrs. Lupin that her son would be getting the best education available to him. His scores on his school exams had caught the attention of Hogwarts—though Remus had not been aware his test scores had been viewed by other schools—and Mr. Dumbledore had decided to offer Remus admittance to Hogwarts in person because of Remus' "special circumstances". He would receive any and all medical treatment he needed, whether it was allergy medication, asthma care, or mending the seemingly constant physical ailments of his horrible clumsiness. It would all be perfectly taken care of, Mr. Dumbledore assured them both.

Mrs. Lupin had hesitated at first, but soon gave in after considering all the opportunities Remus would have if he attended Hogwarts. Remus, for his part, was in shock. Could it be that his luck was changing? Would he actually get to do something he wanted for once? It is not common for a person to have their wishes granted. Remus would be the first to admit that he was a very wishful person. He had to be, considering his many weaknesses. But, for one shining moment in his life, Remus was able to ignore his failings in favor of living out one of his dreams. Remus left his home and his mother, and attended Hogwarts with newfound hope for his future.

Hogwarts looked more like a castle than it did a school. It certainly felt more like a castle, with its grand hallways and king-like dormitories. Upon arriving at the school, Remus and every single one of his fellow first years had been awestruck by the fantastic architecture of Hogwarts. It was tucked away in the Highlands of Scotland, perched on top of a cliff that overlooked a fantastic lake. They had to approach the school by ferry, something that was a nauseous ordeal for Remus, but nevertheless exhilarating. All first years were corralled into the great hall, and then separated into four houses. The houses themselves had strange names, like Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Apparently they were named after the original founders of Hogwarts, who built the castle many years ago.

Mr. Dumbledore had promised all the students in his welcome speech that house selection was random and in no way specific, though as the years flew by, Remus couldn't help but notice certain repeated similarities within houses. His own house, Gryffindor, seemed to harbor many loud mouthed sports fans and energetic pranksters, who all seemed hell-bent on breaking at least one bone in their bodies by the end of each term. The Hufflepuffs were a rather quiet, soft spoken bunch. They were all very polite and friendly, and Remus would be hard pressed to quarrel with any of them. Ravenclaws were the brains of the school. They were very studious and knowledgable, if a bit stuck up. Remus admired their way of thinking. Slytherin, however, was by far the most interesting house at Hogwarts. It had a rather nasty reputation for housing rich, upper-class snobs who took extreme pleasure in belittling others. Remus found it very easy to believe this when his first run-in with Slytherin students involved him being locked in a broom closet for four hours straight.

However, the older Remus became, the more he observed.

While the majority of Slytherin house consisted of upper-class kids, only a handful of them were prejudiced to the point of bullying others. The rest kept to themselves and their friends, and from what Remus could see they were very loyal to those they cared for. They had strong beliefs and morals, and were willing to defend those beliefs and morals to anyone who questioned them. The other houses also showed evidence of breaking their stereotypical patterns. Ravenclaws were clever, but each student was clever in their own way. One might excel in mathematics and the sciences while another exhibited a great love for the arts. There seemed to be an understanding that smart thinking is not only defined by high test scores and hours spent in the library studying, but also in the unique curiosity each individual exhibits in their everyday experiences. Hufflepuffs, while at first glance appearing shy and timid, tended to have the strongest backbones when it came to comforting a friend in need, and doing the right thing for the simple reason of it being the right thing to do. Whenever Remus reflects back to his Hogwarts years, he finds himself wishing for more Hufflepuffs in the world.

And then there were the Gryffindors. While being cocky, ridiculous, pig-headed, and occasionally just downright obnoxious, Gryffindors had a very interesting habit of being very brave in very significant situations. This bravery was always shown when you least expected it, such as volunteering to climb a 18 foot tree to fetch a first year's cat, or raising a toast during communal supper to support a friend who needs some help, or taking on a group of bullies picking on the sickly looking kid.

That's how Remus met Lily Evans. He'd never be able to forget how she looked that day. Despite having one swollen eye and a cheek sandwiched between a shoe and the ground, Remus was able to see the startling image of a freckled girl standing with her fists on her hips and a pencil tucked behind one ear. Her bright red hair was flying almost heroically in the wind, and her face was twisted in a scowl that suggested she was seconds from producing a Viking battle cry. Remus had enough consciousness left in him to think that she was one of the most glorious things he had ever seen.

He passed out after that. When he woke, the bullies were gone and the redheaded girl was kneeling by his side, looking suspiciously smug. Remus opened his mouth to say something witty and clever, then proceeded to puke out his innards for five minutes straight. The girl just sat there awkwardly, averting her eyes and leaning away from the mess. When Remus was finished, he considered passing out again to save himself the embarrassment.

"Are you alright, Remus?" The girl asked, startling him.

Instead of answering her question like a normal person would, Remus asked one of his own. "How do you know my name?"

She smiled at him. Remus was once again struck by how beautiful she was. "You've been ahead of me by three marks in chemistry for the past year. Of course I know your name."

And Remus found himself in the rather awkward position of not knowing the name of the girl who had apparently saved him.

Seemingly sensing this, she sat up and held out a hand for him to shake, despite the knowledge that he had just puked. "My name is Lily Evans," she stated proudly. "I'm in your year and house."

He blinked at the hand offered to him several times before grabbing it with his own. "Remus Lupin. I'm also in your year and house."

They shook, and she giggled at his dumb joke. Remus felt a tiny bit better.

Then, as it usually did, the shame came rolling in. He let go of her hand and attempted to get to his feet. When Lily moved to help him, he waved her off. "I'm fine," he grumbled.

She huffed at him, once again the fierce Viking warrior. "You most certainly are _not_ fine."

Remus ignored this. He needed to get to the nurse. He managed to get up off the ground alright, but his first step almost toppled him over. Lily rushed up and shoved herself against his side as support before he could protest, and began helping him walk back to the castle.

"Who were those boys?" She asked him, clear menace in her voice.

"Old friends," Remus grumbled.

"Has this happened before?"

He shrugged.

"Well. It won't happen again."

And it didn't. It soon became public knowledge that Lily Evans was best friends with Remus Lupin, and after seeing what Lily had done to the Ravenclaw boys, no one in their right minds would even think about bothering either of them ever again. Lily happily introduced Remus to her little group of friends. He met Alice, Frank, and Marlene. A few years later, they all met Dorcas, who was a Slytherin. Then they met Charlie, who was a Ravenclaw. Then they met Charlie's younger sister, Mary, who was a Hufflepuff.

Remus discovered that having friends did not suddenly make his life better, but it certainly made it easier to deal with. Remus found a confidante in Alice, who could keep a secret until death. When Remus developed a crush on Charlie, she was the first person he told. Frank was easy going, someone to talk to when you were tired or stressed. He could light up a room in seconds. Marlene was the troublemaker, and despite his constant complaining, Remus loved getting dragged into her schemes and plots. Dorcas was painfully realistic, and Remus absolutely loved her. She gave the best advice because she was never nice about it. Charlie was charming, no pun intended. It was easy for Remus to fall for him, and they spent many a happy hour sharing hushed conversations in the Hogwart's library. Mary was terrifying. She was the smallest and youngest of the group, yet she could easily and cheerfully beat up anyone who ever crossed her path. She decided that she really liked Remus, latched onto him, and never let go.

Through it all, Lily and Remus remained close. It was as though she had made a personal goal to ensure that Remus knew he was cared for, that he had people who loved him. In their fourth year at school, Mrs. Lupin grew very ill. Lily was at Remus' side during the entire ordeal, and when she passed, the Evans took him in. Lily Evans was the most amazing person Remus had come to know, and for some reason she wanted to be his friend.

The other wonderful thing about having friends is that you can support them when times get tough. When sweet little Alice started to think nasty thoughts about herself and the way she looked, Remus was there to tell her she was a beautiful person no matter what she thought of her appearance. When Frank had a mental breakdown in sixth year because he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, Remus was there to be scared with him. When Marlene discovered she liked girls just as much as she liked boys, Remus was there to laugh about it with her. When Dorcas realized she loved Marlene, Remus was there to assure her that her feelings were valid. When Charlie's parents discovered he liked boys, Remus was there to stand at his side and pretend not see his tears. When Mary would become angry at the world, Remus was there to help her find a quiet place in which to scream or hide.

And when Petunia announced she was ashamed to call Lily her sister, Remus was there to punch her in the face.

Seventeen-year-old Remus looked down in shock at an eighteen-year-old Petunia, his right hand still closed in a fist. Lily had screamed. Petunia had fallen back. All three of them were silent and still for a total of three seconds before Petunia started to cry. Remus looked on in horror as she scrambled to her feet and ran back towards the Evan's house, holding one hand over her bleeding nose.

"Oh, oh shit, I'm so sorry Lily, I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean to do that! I had no idea what I was doing, oh my God, I'm so sorry," Remus stammered in a panic. He stared down at his fist and uncurled his shaking fingers.

Lily didn't say anything. She just stood there, watching Petunia run through the small woods surrounding the Evan's house. She took a deep breath in, held it, then exhaled through her nose. "It's fine, Remus."

Remus hesitated. He couldn't read her expression. "Are you sure?"

Lily was very still. "Yes. It was about time she said it, don't you think?"

Remus didn't know what to think.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at her either. I don't think these things can be helped."

In that moment, Lily wasn't a teenager. Something about the way she held herself led Remus to think that she was much, much older. Her eyes weren't watering, her lip didn't quiver. In fact, the only thing that gave her away was the stiffness of her jaw. Other than that, she was as emotionless and unmovable as stone.

Remus turned to the house for merely a second. When he looked back at Lily, she was young again. She smiled at him. "How's your fist?"

Now that she mentioned it, one of Remus' fingers did hurt. Turns out he broke it, probably along with Petunia's nose. He frowned at his hand. "I'll leave for the city tomorrow."

"What?"

"I'll be gone by noon."

"Remus, what are you talking about?"

Remus smiled. "Lily, your parents aren't going to want me living under their roof after this."

Lily looked very unimpressed. "First of all, you don't know what my parents will want, and second of all," She punched him in the arm.

"Ow!" Remus yelped, jumping away from her. "What was that for?!"

"That wasn't the first time you've thought about moving away to the city, wasn't it?"

When Remus didn't answer immediately, Lily tried to punch him again. He darted out of her way, grabbing his arm. "Goddammit, no! No, alright?! That wasn't the first time I've thought about it."

 _"Why?"_

Because after he graduated in a year Remus would be going to university. He already felt as though he'd overstayed his welcome.

But he didn't tell Lily this. Instead, he said, "I want to live on my own."

She didn't believe him, that much was clear. But instead of calling him out on it, she simply said, "You can wait another bloody year," and marched back towards the house.

Despite Petunia's rage, the Evans allowed Remus to stay. Mrs. Evans was stiff around him for a week, Mr. Evans gave a few brief speeches about nonviolent conflict resolution, and then they both forgave him. Remus felt guilty, but he didn't regret it. Petunia ran away with her boyfriend soon after, breaking her mother's heart by eloping. Lily's reaction to it was slightly subdued. She merely stated how her sister's new husband was an idiotic bigot, then she ordered flowers to send to the newlyweds. (The flowers were sent back almost immediately, along with the card.) And the final year at Hogwarts came and went, graduation was a mess, and suddenly Remus was free. Knowing that his parents would want him to go to university, that's where he headed. Scraping together the money his parents had left him in their will, the money that the Evans practically forced upon him, and the money he had earned through his multiple summer jobs, Remus headed out to study English in all its forms. His mother would have been very proud of the low-risks involved.

According to Mary, becoming an English professor was "just about the saddest thing a person could ever do to themselves". He was teased constantly, but never minded it. Unlike most future English professors, Remus already had a job lined up.

Headmaster Dumbledore had called Remus into his office the day of graduation. Remus was secretly grateful, considering all his friends were off celebrating with their respective family members.

He knocked on the door and poked his head into the office. "Headmaster Dumbledore? You wanted to speak with me?"

The headmaster was at his desk, calmly writing something on a piece of paper with a strange feathered quill. The man was famous for never using normal pens, rather opting for expensive looking white feathers. Remus thought it was cool. Marlene thought Remus was a nerd.

Dumbledore finished whatever sentence he had been writing, and lay the quill flat on the paper. He peered at Remus over his half-moon spectacles. "Why?" He asked.

Put off, Remus stammered. "P-pardon?"

"Why did I want to speak with you?"

Remus stared at him. Dumbledore stared back, smiling that odd little smile of his that always managed to look somewhat out of focus.

Remus blinked. "I'm sorry, what are we talking about?"

Dumbledore sighed and folded his hands in his lap. "Well, if _you_ don't know, then there's little hope for me." Remus opened his mouth to say something, but Dumbledore held up a finger. "No no, it'll come to me. In time. Here, have a seat." He gestured to an empty chair in front of his desk.

Remus hesitated before moving forward. He reminded himself that Dumbledore was a brilliant man whom he looked up to, and no brilliant man whom Remus looked up to could be insane.

As if hearing his thoughts, the headmaster reached for the small bowl of chocolates to his right and nudged it forward. Remus, never one to refuse chocolate, took one and sucked on it. He slowly looked around the room as he did so, realizing he had never actually been inside the headmaster's office. It was a rather large space, filled with many bookcases and globes and maps and other things one would expect to see in a headmaster's office. The characteristic which made it clear that the office belonged to Albus Dumbledore was the abundance of nicknacks and strange contraptions that covered nearly every surface. Most of them moved, and a good number of them were noisy in a relaxing way, releasing little chimes at a steady pace and meter.

Remus was so distracted by these toys that it took him a moment to realize Dumbledore had said something. "Uh, what?"

Dumbledore's smile was indulgent. "I asked why you are not with Ms. Evans and her family. Surely they are missing you?"

Remus tried for a smile of his own, looking down at his graduation cap in his lap. "I was with them earlier. They're taking pictures with Lily right now. I didn't want to be a bother. And then you summoned me, so I…" He trailed off, suddenly feeling very awkward.

But Dumbledore merely nodded, seeming to find nothing wrong with that answer. He nudged the bowl of chocolates again, and Remus obediently took another.

"I've heard that you wish to study English, and perhaps become a professor."

Remus nodded and popped the piece of chocolate into his mouth. "Yes, sir."

"How would you feel about working at Hogwarts?"

Remus choked on the piece of chocolate. Dumbledore waited patiently until he had swallowed the candy, and forced out in a strangled voice, "Is this why you wanted to talk to me, sir?"

Dumbledore hummed in a vague sort of way, and toyed with one of the many trinkets on his desk. "You have committed to a university not too far from this one. Commuting should be easy enough."

"I, uh, I don't think I really understand what you're—"

"Professor Micklebee certainly could use the extra help. You would be payed, of course."

Remus gaped at Dumbledore.

The headmaster spun the spinner on the top of his trinket. He studied it while he addressed Remus. "Mr. Lupin, I'm offering you a job as a paid teacher's assistant to one of our most esteemed English professors. After your studies are through, and if you show promise during your time as an assistant, I will gladly offer you a job as a fully fledged professor." He threw Remus a solemn look. "Of course, if you plan on teaching at any other university, the assistant position no longer stands. I can't have you working under my staff only to have you bring your talents elsewhere, it would give me false hope."

Remus could hardly believe what he was hearing. "Of course I'll accept the position, sir! I would be, I mean, it just…" He trailed off into a stuttering, excited mess. This was beyond what he could ever hope for. Working at Hogwarts would be a dream come true.

And that's when it hit him. Hogwarts had been his only home since his mother died. Dumbledore knew this, just as he knew that Remus no longer considered himself to be a part of the Evans' family.

Dumbledore, seeing Remus suddenly deflate, put down the trinket and fixed Remus with a hard stare. "No, Mr. Lupin, I am not offering you this position out of pity."

Suddenly feeling very bitter, Remus huffed out a pathetic little laugh. "Right. I'm sure that's what you say to all the orphans," he said, slumping down a bit in his chair.

Dumbledore smiled and spread his hands out. "If you do not want to position, you are more than welcome to decline. I'm merely offering one of our top students a chance to further his career, but in the end, it is your choice. I'm sure much awaits you beyond these halls."

Remus bit back something vile and ugly that was rising up within him. For the first time in years, he felt capable of doing something incredibly harmful. He wasn't exactly sure what brought this on, but the mere idea of anyone pitying him put him into a rage. Remus was used to others feeling sorry for him, but this was different. Maybe it was the graduation experience, being forced to see his classmates surrounded by their supportive families while he was alone. Even Mary and Charlie's shitty parents showed up, and Remus had no one. What would his mother think about this? Surely she'd want him to take up the job, to stay nice and safe in the school that felt as though it was practically built for him. Once again Remus was reminded of her constant worrying, and how that worry continued to shape his life past the day she died. Surely he should honor her memory by staying safe.

"You are free to choose your own destiny, Remus."

Remus' head jerked upwards when Dumbledore said his first name.

The headmaster was giving him a knowing look over his spectacles. "There's a difference between should and want. It is my belief that the key to a good life involves a happy medium of the two, leaning more heavily on one or the other as the situation requires."

Remus looked down at his lap. "I should accept the position," he said, his voice barely above a murmur. When Dumbledore didn't speak, he continued. "And I _want_ to accept the position."

"Then I must insist, feel free to decline it."

When Remus looked up, Dumbledore's eyes were glinting mischievously. He smiled despite himself. "I'll take it."

The headmaster merely nodded and offered him a third chocolate. Remus left his office feeling proud, and more than a little nervous. From here on out he was his own man.

Two months later, an angel fell on his head.


End file.
